December 1967

my unc ,le sammy got in touch with me through my parents . i was livin’ it up in Oakland Ca. , i was doin’ arts and all those witch craft ssss., maybe it was chaz & me on that wall above college ave … sundown behind mt. tamalpius , I got selected and wanted to be rejected ,  my brothers selected me and I rejected the US government , so I went across the country so the army could probe me and sniff at me and check my teeth and interrogate me about what I liked to do when I wasn’ t killing communists , I told him that I was a budding transvestite that smoked cuban marijuana , Oh , and I’m Asthmatic … he said “Go Home Faggot ! ”  , I said, “Yes Sir . “

That was the time of the Tet New Year of 1968 , Vietnam , I would live to patch the traumatized of that military conflict , my battlefield would have those who were bleeding internally and emotionally , medicating with the highest powered narcotic available , legally , that would be Methdone , a type of synthetic Heroin , they called me by name and they called me sir , they cursed me , loved me , hated me and what I represented to them , … Draft Dodger … Chicken !  Punk !  Uh … can you get my dose increased, sir ?  Please ?

Eddie was one of many , a good NJ soldier , good with a laugh and a joke and then a smoke and then a talk , …alright . ya alright ? yeah, I know its January , ‘this too shall pass … ‘  yeah but , naaaahh , that was then ,  this is now , lets to to now , Now … Eddie ? Eddie , … I didn’t get shot by the Viet Cong or Friendly Fire , I got wasted by the overflow of human misery that came out of Vietnam, to my friends , my family , my band mates , my neighbors and classmates , my girlfriends …yeah I beat the Draft , that must make me a Commie .or a liberal or a fag a jerkoff a chickenshit … just an unpatriotic brainless twit !  Eddie was lighting his partner’s cigarette when a bullet from behind tattooed his comrade’s brains all over his face , it was New Years 1968 . They called it ‘TheTet Offensive’ and it was a blood bath .

Just because you change the name of a syndrome or condition or malady or disturbance , Does not change the stark Reality that this is the same shit on a different day ,   men are ruined by artillery barrage and death , the stench of death and burning bodies does not leave the senses , the sight of dismembered rotting children and babies does not go away … because … this can’t be true … can it ??it doesn’ compute … help me , no , please , make it no be true , make it nobe true … let me die … please , let me die , no, don’t let them die, I ‘ll die , let me die … and you don’t die  and  …  you are looking at Your Self … OMG am I here all alone ?  Hello PTSD .

I don’t ask why anymore , this is that song in minor keys and sad pauses , it just is is all there is or seems to be at this Odd Moment as is in such a time as this . Theymissed me then and they is stillmissin my white ass.

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